DAY OF REVISION OF REALITY by Chaplain Maureen Thitchner

DAY OF REVISION OF REALITY by Chaplain Maureen Thitchner

When I was a chaplain at the Buffalo Children’s Hospital, I was called to the emergency room one evening. An 8-year old boy had been involved in a serious auto accident. The car in which he was a passenger, with his mother at the wheel, had been hit broadside by a man who had run a red light. As this young boy lay in a coma, all his father could do was to plan his revenge. Instead of being there, totally, with his wife during her time of suffering, he just kept repeating over and over, “I’ll get that guy – He’ll pay for this.” His hands were so tightly clenched in fists that his wife could not make contact with him, and so she reached out and held my hand. She needed a human connection, and her husband wasn’t able to offer that to her. I remember wishing he would let himself grieve instead of venting his anger and planning his revenge. It’s not that I don’t believe that the driver who ran the red light should not have to accept responsibility for the result of his actions. He should - definitely. Insurance would of course take care of a lot of the expenses that the family incurred. And perhaps other fines, and maybe even jail time. But those things are too remote. They don’t really involve the driver in a redemptive way. And suing him further, which I feel was the father’s intent, for mental anguish or whatever the term is, is not redemptive either. In fact both parties become adversaries. And adversarial relationships pre-empt any possibility for real honest concern for each other.

The driver who ran the red light and caused so much suffering for this young boy and his family was not present at the bedside. He was home worrying about what effects his actions would have on his privilege to drive or on his financial situation. He was no doubt planning his defense while the boy’s father was planning his offense. As the child lay in a coma plans were being made for an adversarial relationship.  Had the driver been made to sit there by the bedside and get involved with this family, the consequences of his actions would have become much clearer than they became while he waited to hear from his insurance company, and whatever legal charges may have been placed against him. If he faced this sorrowing family and expressed his sorrow for his actions that resulted in their pain, some healing might have taken place. He should have been made to take time off from work and sit with them in the intensive care waiting room, and gone to the cafeteria to get them coffee and sandwiches, because they were afraid to leave the area and not be available 24 hours a day. I ran their errands while the person responsible for their pain was not there. He had caused what was going on in that hospital and he was almost totally separated from what he had caused. The boy recovered – no brain damage, and no physical damage that would last his lifetime. His father was damaged, however.

The driver may never run a red light again, but I doubt it’s because of the pain he caused. He wasn’t very aware of it.  It matters what motivates our actions. It’s not enough that he may be a safer driver in the future, although that’s good; it’s better if he’s a safer driver, not because of punishment and financial loss, but because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone else through his actions behind the wheel or anywhere else. That is my hope for him. That is my revised vision of reality whenever I hear about tragedies that are the result of accidents through ill thought out actions.

The End